Keep Hanging On
by NCISVU
Summary: Short one shot based on the song 'Kangaroo Cry' by Blue October. Gibbs leaves his family behind and goes off to war only to find out they won't be waiting for him when he returns. Sad but I tried to end it on a high note.


Gibbs stretched out in the middle of his bed with Shannon resting comfortably under one arm and Kelly curled up under the other. He held Shannon's hand in his as he leaned over to place another kiss on her cheek before turning to his daughter and doing the same. It was his desperate attempt to give them enough kisses to hold them over until he could return to them.

As he laid there enjoying the closeness of his family he tried not to think about the months ahead. The fact that he wouldn't be able to come home to them each day, that there would be no goodnight kisses exchanged with the daughter he adored, that he wouldn't get to hold his wife in his arms until she fell asleep each night. He had to put that out of his mind. He took a deep breath and tried to relax so he could enjoy the time he got to spend with them in that moment. He did his best to memorize what they looked like, what they smelled like, the subtle sounds they made, the way each of them felt cuddled up against him. He would need those memories when the lonely nights in the desert came.

Over the past weeks Gibbs had put on a brave front to mask the terror that was slowly rising up inside him. He'd done his best to hide the sickness he felt about leaving his two precious girls alone. When he'd enlisted in the Marine Corps he was single and alone, driven by a desperation to escape a small town and a troubled past. He knew it was time to leave it all behind, but fate had stepped in and he'd met a beautiful redhead while he was waiting for the train. He had no idea how much she would change his life.

When he signed his name in the recruiting office, Gibbs never anticipated leaving behind a wife and daughter to go fight a war in another country, a war that made little sense to him. He hated the politics involved. He often wondered if they were making any progress at all. Did they have a clear direction or were they running in circles, blinded by the dust in their eyes? There was only one thing he knew for sure; he was damn good at his job. Put a rifle in his hands and he could take out an unsuspecting target from thousands of yards away, no problem.

Gibbs looked over at his uniform hanging on the door handle of the closet. He was part of the few, the proud, he was a Marine. His job required a great sacrifice but in all reality it was more than a job for him, it was a duty and an honor to serve. One he didn't take lightly. Shannon understood the sacrifice; he had made sure of that before he put a ring on her finger. She had always supported him and when his tour was over he always hurried home to her. This time would be different. This time when he came home he wouldn't leave them again. He didn't want to miss another minute of their lives; he'd missed too much already.

He looked down at Kelly, his precious little girl, sleeping soundly in his embrace. He turned to Shannon as her eyes drifted closed and stayed. _No, not yet,_ he thought. He wanted more time, just a little while longer to hold them, to hug them, to kiss them, to love them. He knew it was getting late. The day he had been dreading would soon be there. One more kiss for each of them, and a final hug for the night, then Gibbs closed his eyes to join his wife and daughter in their dreams.

* * *

><p>As emotion threatened to overwhelm him Gibbs leaned down and kissed Kelly on the cheek. It was the last one before he had to go. He turned to Shannon, one final kiss for her and it was time. He couldn't hold them any longer. They'd stayed with him in the deployment area for as long as they could, surrounded by other inconsolable families, all saying goodbye, all holding onto the hope that their loved one would return safe and soon. The mountain of duffle bags had disappeared and now it was time for the soldiers to depart too.<p>

He turned to wave goodbye and the heartbreak he saw in their eyes matched what he felt deep inside him. He watched as Shannon wiped the tears from their daughter's face before brushing away one of her own. He wanted nothing more than to run to them, to take them home and never look back, but his platoon was called to attention and he remembered the task ahead of him. It was time to look out for his extended family now, the brothers he would be serving alongside. His focus shifted to ensuring he and his buddies made it home safely at the end of their deployment.

* * *

><p>They'd spent months in the desert, communicating with loved ones through letters. Mail call brought cherished news from home for the lucky few. Gibbs was always relieved to hear his name. He found a private area and pulled the letter out of the envelope. He held it to his nose to try to catch the familiar scent of home before taking his time reading it, studying every detail. <em>Kelly is growing up so fast, she plays the piano now, her grades are good, she's making friends. Don't worry about us Jethro. We love you!<em> A smile found its way onto Gibbs' face. The letters always helped him feel a little bit closer to them.

He stared at the included photograph. It was from months ago, the day they'd spent at the beach shortly before he'd said goodbye. He was standing in the middle, with one arm around each of them. Gibbs ran his thumb over their faces, wishing he could reach out and touch them, if only he could feel them in his arms again. He longed to hold them close to him. In a world battered by war he had learned how precious life truly was. Since he left Camp Pendleton, his family had grown. There were some in his unit who wouldn't make it home but Marines always took care of their own and that included the families the lost had left behind.

Gibbs didn't have much time to write back so a short reply would have do. _I miss you guys. I'll be coming home to you soon. I love you both._ As he wrote he wondered if he was telling them the truth. Would the war ever end? Would he really get the chance to go home and make up for all the lost time, the missed hugs, the absent kisses?

As he deposited his letter in the outgoing mail he was already being called away. He refocused his mind but the news he got was the last thing he expected. He listened as his CO told him his family was gone, both of them, murdered. He stared down at his hands, the hands he used to kill, the hands he should have used to protect his precious girls. Now he would never have that opportunity again.

As his emotions built he knew he had to get away. He stood, then turned and ran but no matter how fast or how far he went he couldn't escape the bad news. He was so distraught he didn't even notice the explosion until the world around him went black. As he welcomed the darkness, he also welcomed peace. His wish was granted; he had finally escaped the pain of losing his girls. There was hope he would join them after all, the doctors weren't sure if he would make it.

* * *

><p>Gibbs sat on the beach he and his family had played at not too long ago. As he leaned against a piece of driftwood he pulled out the last letter he'd received from them with the family photograph still tucked safely inside. He thought back and remembered the night before he left. He desperately tried to remember what they felt like in his arms but he was met with emptiness. He remembered waving goodbye and the heartbreak all over their faces. It was his fault. He'd left them all alone. He didn't protect them and now they were gone.<p>

Gibbs picked up his gun and stared at it. He turned the barrel towards himself and considered ending it all as a pathetic ocean of tears flowed from his eyes, but he couldn't do it. He had to live; he had to keep hanging on. If Shannon and Kelly believed in him, he had to believe in him too. _Just keep hanging on,_ he told himself, _it's time to start healing…_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Kangaroo Cry<strong>_

_Losing my control  
>Here it is the day I have to go<br>Just sit beside me  
>I can't let this show<br>How sick I feel to leave you so alone  
>God I'm terrified<em>

_We've lost respect for decency  
>When one can turn our world into an ant pile<br>We run circles, no direction do I see  
>The dust has blinded you, the dust has blinded me<em>

_I kissed her on the cheek  
>And then I waved goodbye<br>She had the saddest look I've seen in years  
>A kangaroo cry<br>A warm pathetic ocean flow we have to live by  
>We have to live by<br>Because we have to live_

_And you choose to break our families  
>Tell me you've used all precautions known<br>And I'll stand beside the ones who stood alone  
>How long will we have to sing until you finally bring our sons, our daughters home?<br>We'll let the prayers start healing, what time's been stealing_

_We only want to feel as close as we can be  
>Use hands for holding on to your precious family<br>Just believe in all who shine  
>The light to help you see<br>Cause if I believe in you, will you believe in me?_

_I kissed her on the cheek  
>And then I waved goodbye<br>She had the saddest look I've seen in years  
>A kangaroo cry<br>A warm pathetic ocean flow we have to live by  
>We have to live by<br>Because we have to live_

__And you choose to break our families  
>Tell me you've used all precautions known<br>And I'll stand beside the ones who stood alone  
>How long will we have to sing until you finally bring our sons, our daughters home?<br>We'll let the prayers start healing, what time's been stealing__

_Keep hanging on  
>Keep hanging on<br>Keep hanging on  
>Keep hanging on<em>

_We'll let the prayers start healing, when time's been stealing_  
><em>Start healing<em>  
><em>Start healing<em>

**Author's Note: **Kangaroo Cry lyrics belong to Blue October.


End file.
